12 Months (Don’t Believe It)
Windmill Chapel at Lake Shrine being hosed down.
Conflagaration!
My partner and I watched the Palisades burn, then then other areas of Los Angeles, threatening his parents home in Granada Hills. We watched as so many of our friends were devastatingly affected.
We watched as my beloved Temple and place of worship and service, Lake Shrine, was surrounded by flames (it is, as of this writing, still standing). Long prayer and meditation, seeing all as protected, filled my time, while I sit for days without power here in Idyllwild, itself in a severe fire risk zone.
The idea of demolition, attrition - of the leveling of circumstances and destruction of the worldly - resonated profoundly within my Soul. And, chemo is less than a week away.
I always get depressed before disasters. In 1989, I was contemplating suicide the very instant the Loma Prieta earthquake struck…and, I was suddenly afraid for my life. I ended up attempting suicide a few months later, however, the beginning of a long period of recovery and resurrection. Did I ever mention how many miracles I’ve had in my life? Oh boy, where can I start…!
I was low, very low, after this Christmas, and into the New Year, completely confused by recurring patterns of financial desperation, and exhausted after a month of daily hyperthermia treatments.
Now, watching friends who have lost everything, perspective again comes back in.
At this point, all the doctors say something different. They are evenly split on my doing chemo, and I keep postponing it, hoping my number will go down. I hired an energy healer with dwindling finances (desperation or smart intuition?), continue with the supplements and infusions when I can afford them, put into place my friend Alaya’s recommendations, and began attending 12 step meetings focused on food and money.
It’s as hard as it’s ever been. What was needed is a complete overhaul of my patterned thoughts and responses.
As you see, this time honored method of retraining the brain to an “ideal scene” version of yourself, a latent possibility you both memorize, say out loud, and even more importantly, FEEL as being true, is a huge healing tool.
Remission can occur if you connect with possibilities within “the Quantum Field” (as Dr. Joe Dispenza terms it), or with Spirit (as some would say) - the healed version of yourself exists, beyond life and death even, this seeming paradox one of many paradoxes that so often point the way to Great Truth.
I understood, in the course of deep meditation, that sending Love to all of my body cells, all the time, is deep and required medicine. I have friends beg me not to do chemo, others telling me it will be no big deal, and this potential confusion is a Great Test for me.
Ultimately, there are no right or wrong decisions. Each decision will bring a result, but I will learn what I need to learn, in the great spread of Eternity. God is holding me always, my Masters watch over me and love me unconditionally. All is Well.
News! I will be developing and launching my first Radical Remissions workshop, customized with my other trainings, in Spring! Spread the word to those you love, and contact me to share your own story.